The Importance of Asking Questions

I boarded the plane in Dallas, flying to Atlanta. As usual the plane was full. Since I don’t have like a million miles there in no chance of a bump-up to business or first class. When booking seats on a plane I usually request the isle seat and the emergecy exit. For those of you who fly, you know that the emergecy exit has more leg room.

On this flight, I was not in the isle. I was in the dreaded middle seat. On this flight I was not in the emergecy exit. I was near the restroom. So I sat down between two other travellers. In briefly talking to both of them, discoverd that the man to my left was a contractor and had done some work in Enid Oklahoma. The woman to my right was from Kansas and flying to Atlanta for a business convention. She was more than willing to share about her “at home” business and about her personal life. At some point in the conversation she said, “You must be in sales.” I responded, “Why would you say that?” She then explained, “You ask questions that deal with my hopes and dreams. That makes me wonder why you would ask questions like that. What business are you in?”

Ok, at that point, I had to think and pray very quickly. “Do I tell her I am a minister? If I say that, will she drop the conversation like a hot potato? Or, will she get all religous on me and turn on some strange kind of ‘God talk’ and not be real?” What I told her was not a complete answer. I told her one facet of my work. I told her that I was a relationship counselor. I helped people in their relationships. I have to say, this was a real turning point in the conversation.

We talked for an hour and half about her relationship with her daughter-in law. The daughter-in-law was a Mormon. This has really bothered her. I asked my new friend what faith she was, and about her own personal relationship with Jesus Christ. She gave a wonderful story of salvation, then becoming a prodigal and coming back to the lordship of Jesus. I gave her some relational tips, taught her how to pray for her daughter-in-law and how to speak to her son. I also gave her the www.4truth.net  website to learn more about Mormonism and how to be a positive influence for the real Jesus of the Bible. Not only was I helping her, but the people seated in front of us had stopped talking and were listening to us as well. I know this because I heard them make a few comments on our conversation to each other later. Who would have throught a few exploring questions about meaning, values, hopes and dreams would lead to such a conversation? In the personal sharing of your faith, next to listening, asking questions is the most important.

I want to share with you a secret about questions. Most people think that the person who is talking is controling the conversation. That is not true. The person who directs the conversation is the person asking the questions. Asking the right questions will help you determine where the person you want to share with is in his/her spiritual walk. You don’t even have to ask spiritual questions, if God is dealing with them at some level, it will come out. Then you meet them by listening and asking more directive questions.

In my next weblog I’ll write about how to use directive questions to guide a conversation.

The Importance of Listening

When I prepare to share my faith with someone, I’m usually thinking about what I am going to say. This has got to change. I first need to prepare myself on how to listen. I need to seek to understand before working to be understood. I need to listen.

If I can get involved in a conversation with someone, then a few well placed questions or comments can really help bring out what is on their mind. If I can find out what this person is concerned about, perhaps God will help me to find a way to move that into a more personal and more spiritual area.

I find it amazing what total strangers will tell you if you ask. I was out with a group of coworkers last week and we went to a restaraunt. The waitperson was Doug. Doug seemed cheerful and friendly. I simply commented to Doug that he came across with a very positive view on life. Doug immediately told us that he has worked very hard over the last few years to overcome a lot of problems in life and be optimistic. I asked Doug what was it that helped him to stay so positive. What was his secret?

Doug then told us about his family background, his travels and even his spiritual searching. Through listening to Doug all of us at the table came to understand that while Doug believed in the person and principles of Jesus Christ, he was not yet born again.

Just making an observation and listening helped us to find out were Doug was relationally, professionally and spiritually in moments. I think it took less than five minutes. Doug came and went. He brought our water and the brought our food. Doug became a little curious about us. We were able to share with Doug very briefly that each of us have had a wonderful and life-changing spiritual experience with God. In fact, I told Doug, that it was the single most important thing that has ever happened to me in my life. I gave Doug a www.mostimportantthing.org card with my name (Jimmy Kinnaird) on it. I told him the next time you are on the web, look it up.

This is my relational approach. It starts out trying to make a connection with a person. The only way I know to do it is to make an observation and ask a question or two. This way of relating for me has not been that easy.

I want to make a confession. In the past, when I thought of personal evangelism, I thought of things like teaching or correcting or even arguing. I have done a lot of these things and frankly, have not gotten very far with people. People may have even prayed a sinners prayer with me just to get rid of me. I don’t want to be like that. I don’t see Jesus acting that way.

It is true. It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Especially when what the other person is saying is so wrong! Example: “I think that as long as each person is sincere in their belief, God will accept them.” Ohhh noooo!  Well what am I going to do? Should I start the argument or ask more questions? “Tell me, what is a sincere belief to you?” or “You have obviously thought about this for a while, how did you come to that conclusion?” Then, “What about the 911 terrorists? Their beliefs were certainly sincere or they would not have done what they did, but I don’t know many people who would say that God will accept them into heaven, do you?” Why or why not?  Questions for clarification and listen and pray.

I think eye contact, facial expression, body movement, posture, and vocal tone are all key in listening. Experts that I have read claim that 85% of personal communication is non verbal. Note how you carry yourself and how you look at others. Lean forward when listening and look them frequently in the eye. Smile and nod. Keep your palms open to them and your heart turned toward them. These simple gestures help everyone to keep talking. As long as they are talking, you will be able to listen and learn. 

I’m looking forward to seeing Doug again sometime. If I do, I am sure we will pick up where we left off. Maybe we will see him in heaven too. That is what I am praying for.

Just Do Something

There is a story in the Bible about four men who had leprosy. They were living outside the walls of the city of Samaria. The city was under siege by Ben-Haddad, King of the Arameans. The people inside the city were starving. The lepers came to a conclusion sitting there between the city walls and the Aramean army. They said, “Why stay here until we die? If we stay here, we will die. If we say, ‘We’ll go into the city’-the famine is there and we will die. So let’s go over to the camp of the Arameans and surrender. If they spare us, we  live, if they kill us, then we die” (2 Kings 7:3b-4, NIV). These men knew that if they didn’t do something, they would just die. They looked at their options and took the logical one. They made their choice based on sound reasoning.

I ask you the same question that these men asked themselves. Why do you sit there until you die? Go and do something! You think you may know what will happen, but you really don’t. None of us do. These four lepers acted and God used them to save a starving city. What you do in the name of God can be used to save starving souls.

So, you ask, where do I begin? In order to reach people who are far from God or people you do not have any idea where they are with God, you do something for them. This is often called servanthood evangelism. It is also called active kindness. It is demonstrating God’s love by doing an act of service for another person to show them God’s love in a practical way with no strings attached. This kind of service I guarantee will get people’s attention.

So, does this really work? Yes! I went out in a neighborhood and handed out 60 watt lightbulbs door to door. I gave away all 60 bulbs. Not one person who was home turned them down. Think about it, everyone will eventually need a new lightbulb. When they inevitably asked what the catch was, I told them, “No catch.” So then they’d ask, “Why are you doing this?” I’d tell them what Steve Sjogren tells them: “I just want to show you the love of Jesus Christ in a practical way.” Sometimes that would end the conversation. Sometimes they would ask what church I attend. And sometimes they would talk with me about a decision they needed to make, a problem that needed prayer, or even about their own relationship with God.

Servanthood “just do something” evangelism is a great way to begin the process of relational evangelism. It is an entry point that works well with so many people. People are expecting churches to ask for things or complain about things. What if they were to see us actually doing something that they saw as a benefit to them and to others? Now that can open doors.

There are lots of directions you can take with servanthood evangelism. Sjorgren has compiled 101 things to do in a book called 101 Ways to Reach Your Community. It is a great resource for individuals, families, a small groups, and a church.

Right now, I have a certain neighbor I haven’t met, but this neighbor’s yard is aweful. It needed to be cut two months ago. I am afraid that I could get lost in that yard and never be found again. I am considering volunteering to cut their grass. I don’t know why it’s not cut, but I will tactfully try to find out. I’ll tell them that I want to show the love of Jesus in a practical way. This is certainly true, but I also want our neighborhood to look nice. I’ll let you know what happens.

One last thing. On the lightbulb experience, I talked to a man at a bus stop and gave him one of the lightbulbs. He asked why I was giving them away. I told him. He was willing to talk while waiting for his bus. This man ended up asking Jesus Christ to be his Savior and Lord right there at the bus stop! He said he had been thinking about God and about life for a while, but did not know how to talk to anyone or know anyone he wanted to confide in. I believe it was God who put us together. That kind of thing had never happend before to me or since, but for that to happen I had to get out and just do something.

Finding a Person’s Spiritual Address

One of the most important things to knonw in personal evangelism is finding out where a person is spiritually. In the book Irresistable Evangelism, by Steve Sjogren, Dave Ping and Dough Pollock they make a differentiation between the traditional evangelism appoach of generic evangelistic questions and move toward one that is more personalized. It is like receiving junk mail labeled “resident” verses a letter with your name handwritten on it. The personal one will be received.

Every person in this world has a different “address” with our Savior. Some are close and some are very far away. When a teacher of the law agreed with Jesus’ declaration of the greatest commandment, Jesus told him that he was not far from the kingdom of God (Mark 12:34).

Since everyone’s address is different, we need to address the message in a way that will reach them. One kind or type of address does not fit everyone. Someone who is far from God may not respond positively to a direct presentation of the gospel, but would be open to ministry or servanthood evangelism. Someone closer to Jesus would certainly appreciate servanthood evangelism but it would be better to engage them in a spiritual dialogue that could ultimately lead to them trusting in Jesus Christ. Irresistable Evangelism says, “The messages that are likely to get through to a person’s heart are the messages addressed to that person’s individual needs” (67).  

If the message that is addressed most directly to a person’s individual need is the most likely to get through to his or her heart, how do we know what the need is or how to address the message in that way? A huge part of this answer is found in understanding and identifying four basic needs that people will experience in their lives: Physical needs, emotional/relational needs, directional needs and spiritual needs. With each one there is a progressive movement toward the heart. With each one, there is greater risk in reaching that person for Christ. Washing a car is relatively low risk. Discussing the meaning of life is one that requires much more thought, prayer, and courage. All of them are important and washing a car for someone can lead to discussing the meaning of life and meeting the author of life.

How then should a witness respond when they discover a need they can connect with in another person who doesn’t know Christ?  They respond in kind. To a physical need, you respond with active kindness. To an relational/emotional need you respond with active listening. To a directional need one would respond with active dialogue. Finally, to a spiritual need you would respond in kind with an active sharing. Of course these are needs that are apparent not only to you but to them.

Next we’ll look at how to address these needs in greater detail. It is a skill that can be learned.

Relational Evangelism

I have been reading a very interesting book on the subject of relational evangelism. It was passed on to my by a man who is a great witness for Christ. The book was sent to him by another man who teaches evangelism at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. The book contains several observations that I believe are worthy of relection for those who want to help others in their journey to God. The book is Irresistable Evangelism by Steve Sjorgren, Dave Ping, and Doug Pollock.

The flow of the book begins with an introduction to the evangelism qualifications of it’s authors. Sjorgren is known for his servanthood evangelism writings and activities. Ping was a city director of Youth for Christ and now exclusively equipps Christians for evangelism as Director of Equipping Ministries International. Pollock serves as the evangelism diretor for Athletes in Action. Each of these men have decades of experience.

The book is built on what comes next after you have handed someone a bottle of water or washed their car for free. How can we help them to turn and give their life to Christ? This book attempts to answer that question. These three men write what they have learned that works in making this kind of evangelism “irresistable.” 

In my next weblogs I will be discussing the concepts that are put forth in how to find a person’s spiritual address and the stages of evangelistic relationships in natural progression. This understands evangelism as a process. Hope you wil join me and I hope you will get the book.

Change

The moving truck finally arrived and they loaded our stuff and we left. We had lived in that state for 10 years. This was going to turn out to be a bigger move than I would have ever imagined. Have you ever had a big move before? In the past I have moved from Texas to Louisiana to Oklahoma. The moves get harder the older I become. The kids are olders, actuall one is an adult in college. This will always complicate a move.

With all the hassles, why did I still do it? Why does anyone move when there is so much that changes?

Perhaps the answer is found in that word “change.” I need change. I get into a routine that can often end up becoming a rut. With all the trouble, it is still worth the change.

Change is a “not so subtle” message to me that I am not in control. In fact, there is very little in my life I have total control over. I can’t control my kids, wife or coworkers. I can’t control the weather. I certainly can’t control the price of gas. But I should be able to control myself. I should control my temper. I should control my attitude. I should control my tongue. Self control is the one area that I can and should be in control. Change exposes the weaknesses or strengths of my character.

Change is another way that we grow. Often the way we grow the most is when we go through the most painful change. For me, It is a change that I didn’t ask for or expect. But having gone through it, I grow as a person. You have probably read the addage that is said when facing problems, “You either grow bitter or better.” This can be appied to the broader issues of change.

Change is authored by God. God is not suprised by change. I am, and maybe you are also, but not God. What some may call “The Big Bang” of naturalism when space, matter and time came into being from nothingness we call God being creative. God was making a statement of change, and what a change it was. As the Bible reads, “In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.”

The greatest change is when this creator of all that is, becomes personal by change in a human heart. I had that experience several years ago. You can read about it at www.mostimportantthing.org and type in Jimmy Kinnaird in the search box. God made a great change in my heart and is continuing that change through the years.

Is it time for a change in your life? Would you consider exploring the possibility that there really is a God and he is personal, relational and knowable?

Maybe you already have met him in the person of Jesus Christ. He is the one who died and then arose and conquered sin and death. Perhapse one great change you need to make is how you represent and present Jesus Christ to others. One of the last words of Jesus in the Bible are found in the Book of Revelation. He says, “Behold, I make all things new.” Now that is a change worth finding.